another learning attempt

it might take me a while to become comfortable with this. i've tried several ways to see if others can view my posts. this whole "blog" concept is very new to me. I wonder if that means that i'm getting old.

anyway - we'll consider this another practice attempt. it takes me a while to spill my guts to strangers. most of the time i consider myself a stranger.

i'd like to learn to share more of my feelings, in a hope that someday my children will be able to know me a little better. and maybe i'll learn more about myself in the mean time.

i wonder if everyone feels strange the first time they try to write about themselves. when i was younger, i was an excellent journal keeper (again, showing my age... we called them journals back then). i used to love venting on paper. recently, i have spent so much time holding in the crap feelings that i have...

i have tried to start a practice of writing down my thoughts several times in the past, but i've always found a reason to quit. i didn't like the book i had selected. i didn't like the first couple of entries. i didnt' like the format i had started in. does it sound like i am a little judgemental of myself. i think i should set goals for this new blog.

#1 - i needx to include at least one spelling error per entry
#2 - each entry can be written in a different tone than the previous one. you're writting down your thoughts toni... you're not publishing a book.
#3 - i want to add one item to my profile each time i log in. maybe i can actually get to know myself in this process.
#4 i really would like to create a bit of a history. i would like to recount a little of my infertility story. i really want to figure out who i am now - and infertility has shaped me in so many ways. maybe i can prove to myself that it is a part of me... but it isn't the entire thing.
#5 - maybe someday i will make this public. maybe that isn't such a bad thing.